Today my thoughts drifted to a silly little movie called Kickass. I recalled how some folk didn’t like the movie, claiming they were disturbed by how psychotic such young “superhero” kids were. Today I thought, aren’t all superheroes nuts? After all, let’s face it: nobody sane would ever be a superhero.
Yes. Superheroes are insane. Very insane.
Wolverine and the Hulk are classic examples of two individuals with very severe anger management problems. Wolverine has a bad habit of going berserk, and has even attacked his own friends before. And the Hulk, well….
If a person without superpowers acted like that, they’d be in prison. But what would a cop do to Wolverine or the Hulk? Stand in their way and shout stop or I’ll shoot? Hardly.
And what about Daredevil? A blind man fighting crime, how insane is that? And it’s worse. Daredevil is so convinced that everyone he tries to prosecute is guilty that even if he loses the case (and when has he ever won a case? He must be the worst lawyer in all of human history), he will hunt that “criminal” down and beat the shit out of him. Now what do you suppose Daredevil would do if he lost a prosecution case against an 84-year-old woman in a wheelchair? Go beat her up, of course! “She’s not what she seems! It’s all a disguise! And I can prove it! look at all the blood! How can Grandma bleed that much??!!”
And yes, even Spider-man is a loony tune. He goes on and on and on about how with great power comes great responsibility, and yet he’s constantly complaining about having to drop what he’s doing to go save some damsel in distres. ‘Cause gosh darn it! Now he’s late for his date with a girl whose name is synonymous with weed! Narcissist? Closet pot-smoker?
Thor. Talk about a man with a god complex….
And let’s not forget Reed Richards. All his condemning of Dr. Doom is like the pot calling the kettle black. What’s so different about them, really (other than Dr. Doom looks a whole lot cooler)? They’re both mad scientists. They’re both obsessed with their research to the point where they often neglect everyone else around them. Okay, okay, Dr. Doom is a tyrant dictator ruling over a country and probably drowns cute little kittens for fun. But let’s face it, the only reason Richards isn’t drowning those kittens along with him is because the bad PR would hurt his company’s bottom line. And so, he gets his rocks off by beating up on Dr. Doom instead, ’cause being a hero is profitable!
And you know who else profits off beating up poor defenseless “villains”? Batman, that’s who! This guy is obsessed with hunting down mentally deranged people, beating the crap out of them, and dragging them to Arkam Asylum. Why always Arkam Asylum? Surely there’s other asylums in the city, possibly some that are much closer to where he beat the poor crazy guy in the jester costume up, but yet he always takes them to Arkum. It ain’t no coincidence he’s a billionaire “philanthropist” who just so happens to dress up in a bat costume to beat up other crazies in costumes and always, always, drags them kicking and screaming to the exact same asylum. He’s getting kickbacks for it! Duh! Why else do all those insane costumed “criminals” keep breaking out of the place so easily!
And this is why I always root for the supervillains. They might be insane megalomaniacs, and evil to the core, but at least they’re honest about it!